i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's the barista slut.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
