Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
