I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
