I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
