My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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