i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
