how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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