I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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