I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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