Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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