What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
