so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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