I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
