I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
