she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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