My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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