Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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