fuck your aforementioned shoe
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you had me at cake vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
