My friends, they love my intelligence
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
