I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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