You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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