I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's blow job season.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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