Christians are straight up FREAKS
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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