Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
