i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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