Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
