So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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