On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
