i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
