nut hugger
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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