it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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