I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
