I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
