Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
