this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
