I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
