he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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