If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
