Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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