my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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