Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
third nipple confirmed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
