I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
