I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
