Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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