Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
