mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
