hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
