i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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