She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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