i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
