i was born a porn star she said
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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