She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
