uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
