He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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