so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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