i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
