even my farts smell like vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We left the knife in your bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
