I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
