don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
