Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
