The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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