I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize