dude i'm inner monologue high
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
