theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
