My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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