Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
